Happy to be Nappy...Sort of

Most people that know me are aware of the fact that I could start my own United Nations with the different nationalities that make up my DNA. What I find quite irritating is the constant feeling of having to prove my Blackness, Latinaness, Whiteness, or Native Americanness to people. I was in court (for work) one day and was having a conversation about hair with some of the other women who work there. I had mentioned that I needed to find a hair salon because I was due for a relaxer soon and my hair was getting nappy. This one woman almost fell out of her chair the minute the words left my mouth. She said, "Oh please! Do you hear her? Her hair is nappy?! I'm not even talking to you anymore." Now, this was the first time she had ever said it but since then, anytime the topic of hair comes up, she says it after anything I happen to say. She's not the only one I've ever heard this from either.

Now hear me out. I do understand that my hair is not as nappy as some, but make no mistake, it gets nappy. There are better things I could be doing with my $70 every other month than getting my hair relaxed. And since when do we measure our Blackness by how nappy our hair is or how often we straighten it? Am I any less Black because I relax mine every other month and you do yours every three weeks? And if that's the case, aren't you decreasing your Blackness by relaxing your hair in the first place? Why don't you go natural and sport an afro if nappiness proves Blackness. And since when is there are Blackness scorecard? Do you get 5 points for relaxing your hair every couple of weeks? 10 points for being dark skinned. 20 points if you were raised in the ghetto. Did I mention the woman who made the comment in the first place was married to a White man? Minus 5 points. I'm kidding! But you get the point that I'm trying to make.

And while we're on the topic, let me just throw it out there that who I date is a personal decision that has nothing to do with anyone else besides me and the guy I'm seeing. If I find you attractive and you ask me out I'm going. It's that simple. Am I attracted to lighter skinned men? Yes. Does it mean I have something against dark skinned men? No. There are people who really want to come down on me for that but I can't understand why. I see it as broadening my horizons, making our world a little more colorful. I just don't understand how some people see it as a betrayal to my Blackness. I've never dated an Asian man before does that mean I don't like Asians? No! And who's to say you're not being close-minded by only dating people that are the same race as you? Hmm... What happened? No comeback for that huh?

We go around calling each other brother and sister but if you were really my sister wouldn't you just want me to be happy? Would my boyfriend's skin tone really matter? Would how many times a year I visit the hair salon be that important? I'm sure there are enough people in this world who would stand in line to put us down, why do we have to do it to each other? How about we stop measuring nappiness and start measuring humanness? Instead of asking someone how often they relax their hair, ask them when was the last time they helped someone who was in need. How about you ask someone when was the last time they did something nice when no one was looking? With everything that's happening in our country, isn't there something better we could be doing than wanting people to prove themselves? Stop. Just stop.

I'm off my soap box now. Love, peace, and hair grease.

Letting Go

I woke up today and was a little mad at myself. It was over 85 degrees out. The sun was shining. And I let myself stay in bed until 1 in the afternoon. I hadn't been out late the night before. I actually went to bed really early for a Saturday but yet I stood in bed. I told myself enough is enough and got up, took a shower, grabbed my ipod and headed out to Lake Lynn. I've had enough of the prison I call an apartment. Life is going to go on whether I get out of bed or not so I might as well join in and see what it has to offer.

Lake Lynn is about 2 miles around. I put on my headphones and start walking. Now, it's gorgeous out and there are a bunch of people walking, jogging, biking & all the other stuff you do at the lake. Of course I take notice of the people around me. There's a woman who started walking a few feet ahead of me so I make her my rabbit. As long as I can see her I know I'm at a good pace. Well, before I knew it she was gone. I tell myself not to worry, just enjoy the walk. I'm starting to get a little warm and can feel the sweat forming on my neck. There's a marker coming up and I'm thinking great I'm at mile 1. SIKE! I had only walked 1/2 a mile. It's OK. I can do this. I walk a little further and I realize I'm seeing people I had already seen. I'm that slow I'm getting lapped. The runners and bikers I can understand, but the walkers?! I'm getting lapped by walkers. I tell myself it's ok and keep walking. I just walked by the 1 3/4 mile mark and was lapped for the second time by an elderly man. He looked at me and smiled. I couldn't help but chuckle. Someone's grandpa just lapped me walking. And FYI it took me 40 minutes to walk 2 miles.

As I got to my car, I was proud of myself. I had finally peeled myself off the couch. I did something that was calming for me and it was healthy. Nothing bad happened. There wasn't a mean ogre waiting for me when I was done. No one was there saying na na nana na you're by yourself. It was perfectly okay. When I got home I wanted to cash in on my new found boldness. I grabbed my phone and erased the call log and the numbers of anyone I had every dated. I checked my email and erased their contact info and any emails they had sent me and vice versa. I even deleted the trash bin. It sounds silly but if you know me, that was a big step. Someone keeps telling me I can't move forward if I keep looking back. Well, it's full speed ahead from now on. No more staying in bed all day, missing church because I'm in a funk, pity parties, etc. I'm done! For real this time. The only person that can hold me back is me. I already have plans for next weekend and all I have to say is, grandpa is going down!

Feeling Encouraged

It has occurred to me today that I have some really special people in my life. Sometimes I get down on myself and forget that no matter what there are still people who love me, are willing to encourage, and would never purposely hurt me. I've been struggling lately trying to figure out what it is I truly want to do with my life and it has been amazing to see how different people's responses are when I tell them. One friend's reaction was along the lines of "well that sucks for you now doesn't it?" while another friend immediately tried to brainstorm with me. A third friend proceeded to tell me about how I encouraged him and suggested that whatever I do, it should be something where I'm helping to build people up. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even when you feel you're the worst, there is always someone who thinks you're the best. I have a friend of facebook who every afternoon changes her status to a positive message. She calls them Midday Reflections. Today's post read:

Hopelessness is a miserable trap that blinds a believer from seeing the Lord. The only way out is to deliberately focus on Christ through praise, prayer, and Scripture. This is probably the last thing a discouraged person wants to do, but hope awaits those who are willing to see life from God's perspective.

I really needed that today....

Random questions on a Friday

1. Why do some married people make you feel like you're crazy because you're single?



I've been thinking about this one for a while now. I know that I'm 31. I know that a good majority of women my age are already married, some with children. Do I sometimes get sad when I think of it? YES! Does it make me a wackadoo because sometimes I get a little scared that it's not going to happen? NO! I have a message for all the married folk who make their single friends feel like losers because they're not married. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN SINGLE! Don't tell me that before you met your spouse you never once thought, "Oh my goodness, what if it doesn't happen for me?" Because guess what, you're so telling tales. And if you did think it, I only have three words for you LEAVE ME ALONE! Stop making the single people feel less than, it's not cool.



2. Why do people give me the "aww poor thing" look when I tell them I don't have plans for the weekend?



Just because I'm single doesn't mean I have to whoop it up every weekend. Please see three words in all caps from question #1.



3. Is it just me or do the people chosen to be on The Bachelor/Bachelorette make you think, you're too cute to not be able to find someone?



I'll admit, the first guy was a little fugs, but since then they've all been pretty good looking. If the hot people need to go on a reality show to find "true love" where does it leave the average folk like me?