Letting Go

I woke up today and was a little mad at myself. It was over 85 degrees out. The sun was shining. And I let myself stay in bed until 1 in the afternoon. I hadn't been out late the night before. I actually went to bed really early for a Saturday but yet I stood in bed. I told myself enough is enough and got up, took a shower, grabbed my ipod and headed out to Lake Lynn. I've had enough of the prison I call an apartment. Life is going to go on whether I get out of bed or not so I might as well join in and see what it has to offer.

Lake Lynn is about 2 miles around. I put on my headphones and start walking. Now, it's gorgeous out and there are a bunch of people walking, jogging, biking & all the other stuff you do at the lake. Of course I take notice of the people around me. There's a woman who started walking a few feet ahead of me so I make her my rabbit. As long as I can see her I know I'm at a good pace. Well, before I knew it she was gone. I tell myself not to worry, just enjoy the walk. I'm starting to get a little warm and can feel the sweat forming on my neck. There's a marker coming up and I'm thinking great I'm at mile 1. SIKE! I had only walked 1/2 a mile. It's OK. I can do this. I walk a little further and I realize I'm seeing people I had already seen. I'm that slow I'm getting lapped. The runners and bikers I can understand, but the walkers?! I'm getting lapped by walkers. I tell myself it's ok and keep walking. I just walked by the 1 3/4 mile mark and was lapped for the second time by an elderly man. He looked at me and smiled. I couldn't help but chuckle. Someone's grandpa just lapped me walking. And FYI it took me 40 minutes to walk 2 miles.

As I got to my car, I was proud of myself. I had finally peeled myself off the couch. I did something that was calming for me and it was healthy. Nothing bad happened. There wasn't a mean ogre waiting for me when I was done. No one was there saying na na nana na you're by yourself. It was perfectly okay. When I got home I wanted to cash in on my new found boldness. I grabbed my phone and erased the call log and the numbers of anyone I had every dated. I checked my email and erased their contact info and any emails they had sent me and vice versa. I even deleted the trash bin. It sounds silly but if you know me, that was a big step. Someone keeps telling me I can't move forward if I keep looking back. Well, it's full speed ahead from now on. No more staying in bed all day, missing church because I'm in a funk, pity parties, etc. I'm done! For real this time. The only person that can hold me back is me. I already have plans for next weekend and all I have to say is, grandpa is going down!